*

Bullets were falling like rain and Conrad was weaving through traffic. "whoa! That was pretty fricken close! Another two inches..." Conrad knew there were no bullets, no alien space ships, no conspiracies against him: but it was so much fun having a good excuse to change lanes. "invisible pranksters, You may be able to fly, but I've got psychic shielding!" Conrad groped his crotch to make sure the bubble wrap was still in place. " I am totally impervious to you phazer fire, your bad vibes, your sneaky little innuendoes, That foul smell you make in my car... I hear you but I am not paying you no-mind, no sir, no way!"

Conrad turned up a shady suburban street and began to count houses. At the fifth one on the right he turned into the driveway and parked behind a black Toyota. He knew that Angelina would not be going anywhere soon. Conrad grabbed his rear view mirror, and twisted it toward him. He checked his hair and tried on a big fake smile to check his teeth. "My God your handsome!" he told himself flattening down the few strands of hair that made up what was left of his forelock.

He loped over to Angelina's front porch, and pulled open the screen door. He knocked loudly and persistently on his new employee's door which had leaded glass panes. He was peering through those panes when the white form of Angelina's house dress filled them completely. Angelina opened her front door and felt the little hairs on the back of her neck rise as she recognized her boss.

"Mr. Parker?... " Angelina gasped. "what are you doing here?" She could hardly finish her question, she was so stunned to see Mr. Parker standing at her front door. Mr. Parker was her boss. She was fairly new in town and her ability to own a home was a direct result of her employment with the most prestigious and successful clothing manufacturer in Olden Utah. It would not do to offend the boss, her employer, her means to make her house payment.

"Angelina, I got your address from your application form. May I come in, I've got something very important to discuss with you." Angelina put up one hand to stop him. Her other hand was tightening into a fist, but Conrad was already into Angelina's living room before she could start to say anything.

"Well, ... I am getting ready for Church. Ah...." A crazy thought raced through her mind that he might be after some perverted sexual favor. Never before had she had to deal with such a contingency do to the fact that her overweight condition had made her unattractive to the kind of employer that would even think of such a thing.

" I won't be long, it is a very exciting idea and it could mean a lot of money for both of us."

Inwardly she was relieved that he seemed to be talking about business. But what kind of business? she wondered. "Couldn't this wait until..."

" No, no, no, no. I can't discuss this at work. The idea is too revolutionary; it can't go further than the two of us." Angelina realized that her mouth was open and moving but not saying anything. She snapped her mouth shut and it turned into a thin angry line. No! I am not going to ask him to sit down! she thought furiously. Angelina stood stalwartly in the center of her living room. She hated the way that he made a noise when ever he moved. It was a kind of swishing crackling sound. All of her coworkers at the factory cringed whenever he walked past them. And then there were those times when he popped and that was just plain disgusting. Now, to Angelina's great annoyance her boss, Conrad Parker, was pacing around her living room swishing and crackling like a bowl of rice crispies. The only thing that she could think of, was that she wanted to get him out of her house before he popped.

"Bubble wrap! That is the clothing of the future." intoned Conrad. "You know all those brightly colored bicycle suits you see those guys riding along side of the highway wearing? Thing of the past! Thing of the past! I see the future of America and the future of America is round, round, round like a soap bubble!" Conrad paused here for dramatic effect. "I have a hypothesis that the shape of God Almighty is actually the shape of a soap bubble."

"Ah.... wha...?" Now Angelina was beyond angry, she was offended. She felt her face flushing, anger was rising up her sides making her start to squirm. A little squeak began to come out from behind her teeth. "Go. Goo. Ga. Ga. Get Out! You are a crazy man! You got no right to bother me on my weekend. My Sunday. My Sunday, the most sacred day of the week! And here you are bursted into my house telling me God is round - On sunday!!!" Angelina could feel tears rising in her eyes. Angry tears, Offended tears.

" Angelina look!!!" Conrad stepped back, grabbed his shirt and tore it open. Under it was bubble wrap, bubble wrap wound tightly around him; knitted and cross knitted to form a bubble shield around his entire body. Angelina let out a shriek. It was too awful, this was insane! It terrified her. His lurid sexual perversion flashed through her mind like a red light going on. A flash of horrid understanding why it was that he was making those disgusting sounds as he walked around the factory.

"Angelina; It's a God suit! -- You know, soap bubble, -- God, -- bubble wrap... I knew you would understand because your fat."

Angelina looked into Conrad's beady little eyes and saw such sincerity, such innocence, such purity, that she decided to give it her best shot. Her fat little leg rose between his legs and she kicked him so hard that he sailed across the room. "Helium!!! See! That is the answer!!!' Conrad said as he bounced off the ceiling and careened into a floor lamp making it clang like a bell. "Now millions of fat Americans can get relief by wearing God Suits! The potential in America is unlimited!" Conrad was now somersaulting in mid air. "All we need to do is design a suit for the larger woman. That is where you come in Angelina." Angelina was too stunned to do anything but gape at Mr. Parker rolling around on her ceiling. She didn't even notice the heavy lead shoes that she had kicked him out of when she let go that horrific kick that had sent him sailing. Instead she started whacking at him with a coat rack like he was a pinnate.

After she had thoroughly knocked him out, she decided she didn't want her boss stuck to her ceiling, so she thought of a way to get him down. She went out to her tool shed and got a heavy pronged rake. By the time she returned Conrad was starting to recover. He was moaning when Angelina pierced the side of his bubble wrap suit with the rake prongs and pulled him out through her front door. Once outside she pulled the rake out and Conrad sailed off into to an autumn morning in the general direction of his clothing factory. "Don't tell anyone about our little secret!" he called down to her as he searched for a pin to pop some of the bubbles on the bubble wrap suit. "Remember we must keep this little affair a secret!"

It was too late, her nieghbors had begun to gather below him looking up from their porches and lawns. Angelina realized she would have some serious questions to answer. But worse than that, she knew she would have to face Mr. Parker again on Monday.

*